This is another one of those life lessons that I have a love / hate relationship with. I know it's true but remembering it and putting it into practice is another thing. When others are unhappy with me, I want so desperately to explain myself, to justify my actions. To have them understand why I did / said what I did. I hate to not have people "like" me.
I used to think that if I felt uncomfortable feelings: anger, sadness, hurt that there was something "wrong" and I needed to fix it. But sometimes those feelings are there and are a necessary part of life. I used to think that they could not co-exist with love. But in building a loving / trusting relationship we must be honest with those with love. Even if it means we cause hurt (or are hurt). The important thing to remember is the intent is not to hurt but it is part of the process.
When I am in conflict with another I have to take a hard look at myself and my actions. Do I have any regrets? Was my motive in the right place? Once I am at peace with my actions, I must let the situation go.
It is during these times, when I want to; act, resolve, figure out, that I lean on my faith. When I am asked what my religion is, I always pause. I have no emotional tie to any religion so my answer is always "spiritual". I have an deep faith in God but it was not borne from anything I was taught in a church. Don't get me wrong, I have learned some wonderful things in churches but not faith. There is a plan and I am quite certain it is better than mine. Life has proven that to me over and over.
So, what does this have to do with smoking? Everything. Smoking was my coping mechanism. I avoided many feelings by smoking. Once I quit, I had to go about life another way. I had to learn how to live with my feelings, to live with discomfort.
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