Anything Worth Doing is Worth Doing Poorly

Yes, you read that correctly. I have to say this to myself every time I have a task in front of me that I just can't seem to get started on. The "roadblock" is up.

I never, ever, ever thought of myself as a perfectionist. In fact, I thought of myself as just the opposite. The terms lazy and procrastinator seemed to fit me better. If I had a task, I would put it off, and put it off until I ended up doing it at the last minute (example... school paper) or not at all (example... sew the button on the sweater that fell off). The other classic was for me to do 90% of task but never really finish it (example... home improvement projects). I was always so jealous of those individuals that could get started on a task and give it 110%. I always felt like I gave everything 50%.

My problem is that I always make a task out to be far bigger and more complicated than it needs to be. I have an idea of how it "should" turn out. I then proceed to get overwhelmed with this vision how the task should turn out. Hence, avoiding the task or not doing it all.

When I first heard this saying "Anything worth doing is worth doing poorly", I thought they were joking. Isn't it supposed to be "Anything worth doing is worth doing well". For some folks that saying works. But for me, I need to be ok with doing a project poorly to get started on it at all. With the notion that it doesn't have to be done perfectly, it takes away the roadblock that was stopping me from getting started.

So, the roadblock has been up for blogging. Hence, why no blogs in awhile. Well, I have to keep telling myself that my blog can be shit and that's ok. Cindy...just blog. Always a work in progress.

Happiness is...

For me the answer is ACCEPTANCE. There is so much peace in acceptance. When I am at place of acceptance, no matter what it going on; good or bad I can be at peace with it.

To get to our home, we have to drive up into the foothills. If you like winding roads, it's a fun drive. :-) I was driving home yesterday and I got behind a slow driver. My first thought was "SHIT!", there goes my fun drive home. Then I had a moment of perspective. I was able to look at the situation a little different and thought "Today, I am going to slow down and enjoy the drive from a slow speed." Instead of fighting reality and wishing things were different, I was able to be at peace with how things actually were.

I have spent a lot of my life fighting the desire to be different that what I am, always feeling inadequate. I thought to accommodate for my weaknesses was to fail or to be lazy. If I allowed myself accommodations, I wasn't trying hard enough. Bullshit, life is challenging enough as is, why do we keep making things even harder?

I have weaknesses, I'm not good at everything. I can let go of focusing in on what I'm not good at and focus on what I am good at. I accept that and I have never been happier.

The Power of Vulnerability

I just watched this amazing lecture from Brene Brown on The Power of Vulnerability. Wow...She explains so eloquently and humorously what I feel. She has done a great job of explaining how we can move forward in this world to live with peace with ourselves and others.

Perfectly Imperfect

I have wasted so much time trying to be perfect and more often not even trying because I knew I wouldn't be perfect. I have spent so much of my life uncomfortable in my own skin. Trying to be someone I thought I was supposed to be or should be. I thought I was supposed to have all the answers, know exactly how to react / respond in all situations. If I didn't, I was a failure.

Our culture is so focused on perfection and "fitting in". If we don't fit some pre-conceived mold, there is something "wrong" with us. I'm not perfect nor will I ever be. But I am... Perfectly Imperfect. I do the best I can. I make mistakes but hopefully I learn from them. I will make amends when necessary. I will never know all the answers.

Don't you remember thinking someday... when you "grow up", everything will be great??? Hell, I don't know if I will ever "grow up". Whatever that means. I was talking to a friend about an interaction I had with a child that hurt my feelings and she said. "Well... you're the adult. you can't show your hurt." At first I agreed and then I thought, why can't I show that I'm hurt? You don't quit getting hurt or struggling when you "grow up". Life is always going to have ups and downs, I am going to continue to make mistakes and guess what... IT"S OK!!!

I have found the most happiness in life when I'm at peace with it. No matter where I am at. Things can be really shitty but that's just where things are at. I can choose to be miserable during the shitty times or I can accept that things are shitty and have faith that it won't last forever. I am the person I am and I have the life that I have (which I LOVE) because of everything I have gone through. My struggles, my mistakes, my hurts all allow me to appreciate the little things.

I had to change my mindset as to what I thought I was aspiring to in life. It is not about achieving perfection. For me, it is about aspiring to live each day as the God of my understanding intends me to live it. I will do my best to help others without losing myself. To achieve a life of Perfect Imperfection.