Roadblocks

All my life I have felt like I have had to work really hard to do anything. There always seemed to be roadblocks in my way. I had great ideas, the best of intentions but I struggled to follow the intention with action. Does that make any sense???

Once I quit smoking and started treating my anxiety in earnest, the roadblocks started to go away. It was a strange concept for me but suddenly I would think of something to do and I would do it. It used to be that I would think of something, think that I won't be able to do it the the way it "should" be done and so I wouldn't even try. If I did do it, it took a whole lot of "mustering" to get it done and I put it off as long as I could.

A friend pointed out that this was a form of perfectionism. I was like "I don't think so. I am a lazy procrastinator. That is far from a perfectionist.". He explained further..."You envision how you think something should be done, the perfect way it should be done. You then decide that you will not be able to accomplish it perfectly so you don't do it.". Ahhhh, light bulb moment!!!

I am so grateful for the smart people I have in my life!

Planting Seeds

I love the concept of "planting seeds". My path to making some dramatic changes came from someone planting a seed. I had a friend point out (in a loving way) an area in my life that was dysfunctional. I wasn't ready to confront the issue at the time but the seed was planted. He didn't bring the subject up again. As the dysfunction became a larger and larger problem, his voice would pop in my head. When things got bad enough, I knew where to turn. The seed he planted gave me hope.

It would take several more years until I went back to this friend and said two words... "I'm ready". Although we had not talked about it again since that original conversation, he knew exactly what I was talking about. We both started to cry...

Don't underestimate the power of planting seeds.

Good Things Happen to Good People

There are have been several "turning points" in my life. Interactions with people that have made a profound influence on my life.

I was working at a physical therapy job that for many reasons was not a good fit. I was still married to my first husband and life was not going real well (early 2005). Although, if you had asked me at the time, I'm not sure I could have told you that. I was truly just going through the motions, trying to get through the day. It was a point in my life when I couldn't wait until Friday but then when Friday came, I couldn't wait until Monday.

I had quit this job and it was my last day, my last patient of the day. Keith and I were the only ones left in the clinic. Keith was not one of "my patients", I was seeing him for another therapist. We knew each other but not at all well. We hadn't talked about anything of significance during the session. As he was leaving, halfway out the door. He paused and said to me "Good Things Happen to Good People" and walked out the door.

I still cry when I think about this story. Why he said that, I may never know. The sad part is...I didn't know I was "good people". I didn't think I deserved "good things". But, Keith got me thinking...maybe I was "good people" and I deserved "good things". He planted a seed in me that would take awhile to grow, but grow it did. A few months later, I started making some dramatic changes in my life and withing the year, I was divorced.

I may never get to thank Keith directly, but I hope Karma shines upon him.