Transitions

Smoking was a "transition" for me. Something to fill in the gap between activities. When I woke up in the morning; I got out of bed, grabbed a Diet Pepsi and went outside and had a cigarette. When I finished eating, I smoked. When I finished dusting, I smoked then I moved onto vacuuming.

The transition I still struggle with, three and half years later is when I don't know what to do next. It's not that I lack things to do, I just don't know what I want to start on next. Tonight, I finished working on a project that I had been working on for most of the weekend. As I sat on the couch, I thought "this would be a good time for a cigarette". Smoking a cigarette was a "transition", a chance to take a deep breath, clear my head, and ponder my options. By the time I finished the cigarette, I usually would have it figured out what I would do next.

After I quit, the worst transition time was when I would first get home from work. I would stand in my kitchen and think "now what?". Again, I had lots that needed to be done but I just couldn't quite get going. Something was missing.

I needed to find a new transition. This is still a work in progress. Like dealing with my anxiety, I have to have a "bag of tricks". Get a drink of water, go to the bathroom, knit, sit and stare, read a magazine. Tonight, I took a shower. When I got out, my husband looked at me confused and asked why I took a shower. I said something witty but the reality is I needed a transition. By the time I got out of the shower, I knew what I was going to do next and a blog post was born.