Fighting Failure

"Failure is only the opportunity to begin again more intelligently" This was in the wrapper of a Dove chocolate I had last night. It took me back to trying to quit smoking. I spent an entire year trying and "failing" to quit. I never went more than 5 days without trying to quit. Not half ass trying to quit either. In the evening I would go through all the reasons I wanted to quit. Sometimes writing them down.

1) I feel like shit...tired, coughing, scratchy throat, smelly, no energy etc.

2) It's expensive

3) Smoking controls my life. I need to have a cigarette every two hours whether it's convenient or not. I am always running out at the end meetings, sneaking outside at social events, is this movie over yet???

4) It's not good for my health. Duh!

5) My boyfriend doesn't like it.

I would have one "last" cigarette. I would then ceremoniously break all the remaining cigarettes in the pack and go to bed. The next morning I would put on a patch with renewed resolve...This time was it!

The longest I would typically last was 10 days. Failure...again. So, quiting took me a year. I went through this ritual over 50 times.

What kept me trying? Interestingly, I never really felt like a "failure" through that whole process. Something inside of kept telling me I wasn't meant to keep smoking. Each time I wasn't able to quit, I learned something. "Failure is only the opportunity to begin again more intelligently" This quote hit me because that was the attitude I had. I had a lot to learn about myself during that year. Discontinuing to inhale cigarette smoke was only the beginning of my journey. This is why I wanted to write this blog. Smoking is NOT about the cigarette. It is about so much more. In order to quit successfully, I had to learn what it was about, for me. Everyone is different . This is my story.