Denial is Not Just a River in Egypt

The experience of quitting smoking was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. The death of my cousin Mike was (is) the most heartbreaking experience of my life. The difference, I think, was I am able to see my powerlessness in dealing with his death. But quitting smoking I felt like I should be able DO THIS! I was so confused as to why I kept smoking again. I really hated how I felt when I smoked. But, that was all part of the process. I had lessons to learn. The most important one was "Why did I smoke?". Contrary to popular belief, it was not because I was addicted to nicotine. Yes, that was part of it but, in reality, a small part. Even as I do things that are not in my best interest, I need to look at why am I doing it? What am I getting out of this? As easy as it would be to blame the nicotine or the additives or even the Tobacco companies, I was the one ultimately putting the cigarette in my mouth and inhaling. I was getting something out of it. That was what my journey was about. Why I had to keep "failing". I hadn't learned the lesson yet. Awareness that there was a lesson to learn was just the first step.