Irritable Nervous System

I now understood that I had anxiety or better described as an "irritable nervous system". The anxiety is not because I was withdrawing from nicotine (a part was but in fact a small part). I was like this before I started smoking. Looking back at my life, I have always used something to self-calm. This is one of those huge misconceptions that I want to dispel. It's not about just getting over the addiction to nicotine, or "withdrawls". Months after I inhaled my last cigarette, I was still having anxiety. My system had long gotten past the withdrawls.

The thing I like about the term "irritable nervous system" is that it gives me a better visual as to what is going on. My nervous system is irritated, hypersensitive. I am much more aware of and prone to have a heightened response to sensory input (Light, sound, touch, taste etc.). With that now understood, I now needed to do two things.

First was to decrease the sensory input in my environment. Especially light and sound. I found that I felt much better when my house quiet and lights turned low. If I tried to open the blinds or turn on the radio, I would feel my anxiety increase. When I would shut them off, I would immediately feel relief. It was a very fascinating experience.

The second thing I needed to do was to decrease my bodies response to my environment. This is what nicotine / smoking did for me. Now I needed to figure out a way to do it for myself. I knew medication was an option but I wasn't ready to go down that road. In desperation, I tried a form of biofeedback, called neurofeedback. At the time, I had no idea what is was or what it was supposed to do. All I knew was I felt better after doing it, a lot better. It came as close to how I felt after smoking as anything did.

This became the focus of my life. I really don't think I could have quit otherwise. I quite literally withdrew from the world for 9 months after my last cigarette. I am completely aware of what a luxury this was for me to be able to do this. I was essentially single (my relationship was long distance), my job was low stress but paid well, no kids. It makes me understand how some people truly can't quit.