Can I really do this?

I "officially" started trying to quit in March 2006. I had thought about quitting many times before. I never bought a carton of cigarette because that was resigning myself that I would be smoking for at least the next 10 days. I know, it was a stupid mind game but hey, it was my reality. I quit whenever I went home to visit my parents (or they came to visit). They didn't know I smoked (that is a story for another time, they know now). But as soon as I got to my first layover (usually Minneapolis) out through security I went. Ahhh, cigarette smoke and exhaust. It felt so good! That is not a sarcastic comment. At the time, it was HEAVEN. I would usually smoke at least two. Other than those occasions, I never really tried to quit.

My divorce was finalized just a few weeks before. So, probably not the best time to try to quit. But hey...I was starting over. I wanted a fresh start and part of that was putting smoking behind me. Not such a smart plan but one of MANY lessons I learned. I thought, I just need to get past this dumb addiction to nicotine and then I could move on. So, I slapped on a patch. From what I read, if I got a nicotine craving I just needed to take a deep breath and in five minutes it would pass. I expected it was going to be tough but I also expected that over the next several weeks and months, it would progressively get easier. HA HA HA HA HA

So, the cycle began. I would go through my quitting routine. I would last anywhere from a day to 10 days. It was discouraging, baffling, enlightening, frustrating etc. It would not be until June 9, 2007 that I would have my last cigarette.