Fears about Quitting

As much as I wanted to quit, there was a lot I feared. "Could I really quit???" Fear of failure was huge. I struggled with whether or not to tell people I was quitting. What if I started again??? Over the 16 months of quitting it became a subject I dreaded. "Please don't ask how my quitting is going", I would think to myself. I was on and off the wagon so many times. On the other hand...I needed support. My fear of people knowing I failed won out and I began to withdraw socially.

Then there was the fear of weight gain. I have never been "skinny" but I was fairly comfortable with my weight. I was at the top of my "comfortable" range though. So...I thought "Maybe I should lose 10 pounds first then quit". But, I never quite got around to weight loss because my mind was pretty focused on quitting smoking.

Another big fear was losing my "friend". I been through a difficult year; divorce, 2 job changes, moving. Was I really ready to say goodbye to the companion that had "helped" me through all of that? No matter what time of day or my state of mind, there was always some level of comfort going outside for a smoke. There was the routine, and with that consistency of routine, was comfort.