Would I ever start smoking again?

We flew down to Salt Lake City and were walking by the "smoking rooms". My husband asked "sure you don't want to go back?". We have this conversation periodically. Would I ever start again?

I've learned "never say never". I, of course, have pondered this question many times over. My initial response is always, NO. But, then again, if life circumstances were different, maybe. If I lived alone...in Europe maybe where smoking is better tolerated. Sitting in an outdoor cafe with a cold beer and a cigarette is an occasional fantasy.

Then logic takes over. I remember how much smoking controlled my life. My next cigarette was never far from my thoughts. About an hour after my last cigarette, I would start thinking about how I was going to have my next smoke. Looking at my schedule, thinking where will I be? Will I be in a position to step out for a smoke? If I wasn't, I would start to feel a little panic. My mind would be problem solving...how can I make this work? I would be distracted by this problem solving that I really wasn't very focused on what I was doing. Do I miss this? NO

Walking by those smoking rooms at the airport is another good reminder of why I quit. Flying was always a bitch. Salt Lake City is one of the very few airports that still allow smoking in the terminal (yes, SLC allows smoking in the airport, what's up with that???). Most airports, you need to go out through security, smoke a cigarette (or two, ok sometimes three) and then go back through security. Other times, I would panic if my layover was tight. I would evaluate the security line and weigh my options. Did I have time to go out, smoke quick and go back through security without missing my flight? Oh the angst!

If only I could be just a casual smoker! Having that occasional cigarette. But I know better, I can't be a casual smoker. If I started again, I would quickly be back to a pack a day. I know that. I am very aware that if I ever started again, that would be it. Quitting was so horrible, I could never do it again. I would be a smoker for life.

So, with that, starting is really not an option. Except...I did tell myself when I quit that if I was still alive at 70, I could smoke again! I guess the answer to the question is: Yes, in 32 years.