"The only true comparison we can make is with ourselves." Maybe the experience I had this week was to remind me of how far I've come. I am feeling much better but still trying to wrap my head around what happened. It was a reminder of where I have come from and how bad things were at points in my life. The feelings of despair, hopelessness, pessimism and I couldn't write it before...but suicidal ideation. (No need to worry for my safety, they're just thoughts, no intention to act.)
Those were pervasive feelings for me for many months. As I dealt with divorce, quitting smoking, financial crisis and my cousin's death. I remember thinking... What's the point??? Why was I put on this earth? I felt so completely out of control. I could accept that I didn't have control over many things in my life. What was so hard after I quit smoking was that I didn't even feel like I had control over myself. My emotions were all over the place. I so struggled to just feel at ease.
The last six months have been so wonderful in that I finally felt like I had control over myself again. I was pursuing my dreams and living my purpose. I have felt like "ME".
Thankfully...those feelings did pass. It was only a few days this time instead of months. I have a greater appreciation for where I've been and where I'm going.
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