Too Much Energy

I know, I know...your thinking, no such thing. For me though, it can be a big problem.

There are problems to having too much energy. First, I am totally unproductive. My mind starts to race, I think of all the things I want to do, accomplish but then it gets away from me. I become over-whelmed and I shut down. I sit on the couch and stare, thinking of all the things I "should" be doing. My mind is cluttered, disorganized, unfocused. This is when I would smoke. After a cigarette, my mind would slow down and I would be able to focus again. Now that I don't smoke, I had to figure out another way of slowing my mind down. Even three and half years after quitting, it's still something that I struggle with daily.

Second, I become irritable and reactive (think lethal PMS). I can only keep a lid on it for so long, then I blow. My husband is a saint! I am am so thankful for his patience and our ability to communicate. I can tell him "Honey, I think it's best to give me some space".

When I feel myself "escalating", the first thing I do is look around and see what things around me are contributing to my level of arousal: light, sound, touch. I turn down the lights, shut off the TV, computer, radio etc. Is there a fan blowing? A fluorescent light humming? Ear plugs are a godsend. I have learned to not even try to wear clothes that aren't comfortable. Ideally, if I can just sit in a quiet / dark room for 10 minutes, it's enough to calm me down. I come out feeling calm and refreshed, like I just took a nap even though I didn't sleep. Unfortunately, that is not always an option.

Other times, I need to do something more. I have a bag of self-calming tricks (not listed in any particular order) that I use. Go for a walk, take a shower, knit, drink alcohol, take a Xanax, eat, pet my dogs, neurofeedback, drink a cup of (non-caffeinated) tea, say the Serenity Prayer. Obviously, some of these are healthier options than others. I try to use the less healthy options sparingly but there are times that it best for everyone that I use them.

These are the times that I sooo miss smoking. I miss the instant calm it gave me. I didn't need "self-calming strategies" or a "bag of tricks". I just needed a smoke. It was sooo much easier.